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Feeling Bleh (A summary of our week with the stomach flu, as demonstrated through GIFs)

January 31, 2014

Hi all.  Sorry for the lack of posting lately—gosh, almost two full weeks?!  Funny how time flies when you’re…um, NOT having fun. 

We got the stomach flu last week.  Before you have kids, everyone tells you again and again that little kids are wretched little germ carriers, but somehow (like, um, almost all of the other advice that people gave as well), I just kind of thought, “Oh, it won’t be that way with us.”  I’ve always prided myself on having a pretty strong immune system, and I guess I just figured our pretty clean bill of health record would stay just as clean, post-kid.

Um…no.

I no longer see Lila as my child, but rather as one huge (albeit adorable) germ. 

We were sick over Christmas—nothing big, just some cold-like stuff. 

Then the stomach flu hit.  On my birthday.  Happy birthday to me?

Lila got it first. She woke up in the middle of Monday night, puking.  But don’t worry—Ryan and I stayed totally calm and collected:

 

She threw up for a few days, which was bad enough.  Then the explosive diarrhea hit.  Literally—it hit the wall, the crib, the changing table, the bathtub, and, of course—it hit us.   Ryan and I tried to be all:

But alas– the diarrhea could not be reasoned with.

Then it hit Ryan.  Do you, personally, know a man?  If you do, there’s a 100% chance that the man you know is a fucking LOUD ASS PUKER.  Combine this:

…and this:

…and you get a sense of what the house sounded like for about twenty-four hours. 

At this point, I was the only one who hadn’t fallen yet.  I was feeling good.  Pretty, pretty good:

Thanks, immune system of steel, I thought smugly as I headed off to teach my classes.

So I went to work.  And you can guess what happened:

I managed to teach my three classes (and, I’m sure in the process, spread my germs ALL over campus.  Sorry, UAH…).  By class number two, my stomach was rumbling:

By the end of my last class, I was pretty sure that I had the plague:

So I came home, collapsed:

…and did this for a while:

At this point, Lila was feeling 100% better (of course), so my recovery went something like this:

Sigh.

The moral of the story?  Given the option, we’ll  not be venturing out in public again until spring.  See y’all in May, germ-infested bitches.

Obviously this isn’t always possible, so we’ll be investing in hand sanitizer.  LOTS of hand sanitizer.

Stay well, friends.  And for god’s sake, wash your hands.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. January 31, 2014 2:53 am

    Brilliant! Love it. But hope you feel better soon.

  2. January 31, 2014 2:53 am

    Brilliant! Love it. But hope you feel better soon.

  3. January 31, 2014 5:53 pm

    oh mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! Hope you all stay well!!

  4. February 1, 2014 3:42 am

    Ugh!!! We had a stomach thing the day after Christmas. I went to work and then found out the fiance was dying at home… all day I was living in fear that I was going to start losing it and I was going to be living in the port-a-potty (I was working in the field). Thankfully I held it together until I got home! Good times. Hope you’re all feeling better!

  5. February 1, 2014 7:17 pm

    You have such a way with words(and gifs(and stomach viruses))

  6. February 5, 2014 1:31 pm

    Think it could have been food poisoning? Sorry I laughed when you asked about knowing a man. I think I’ve only been around for 3 or 4 times my husband has been puking sick, but it always shocks me how loudly he vomits.

    • February 5, 2014 6:23 pm

      Haha…it’s definitely a pretty common thing among men. 🙂 No, I’m pretty sure it was a 24 hour bug– there was something going around here in Huntsville– it seemed like everyone we knew was sick within about a two week period!

  7. February 7, 2014 8:53 pm

    Late comment here, but thanks for making me laugh while I was pumping at work 🙂

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