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Back to Work: Thoughts (and gifs)

August 14, 2013

Well, my closet is cleaned out and color-coded…the clothes Lila has outgrown have been organized by size and season and stored in tupperware boxes…and our freezer is full of meals.  All of this procrastination can only mean one thing: school is starting.

I have lengthy meetings on Thursday and Monday, and then on Wednesday, I’ll be meeting approximately 75 new students to teach, mentor, and support throughout the next four months.  It usually goes like this:

Last year, I wrote a bit about returning to work after having Lila here, here, and here.

When I went back to work for the first time after having Lila in April, she was about four months old.  I thought going back to work after spending the summer with Lila was going to be really, really hard.  But you know what?  It wasn’t. 

That might sound bad, and it might make me sound like a terrible mother, but honestly—going back to work after that first summer was a bit of a relief. 

I love Lila more than words can say, truly…but homegirl wasn’t exactly an easy baby, if you know what I’m saying.  I was kind of expecting that first summer to be one of magical, baby-induced bliss.   Was it?

It was fucking hard.  All. Summer. Long.

By the time August rolled around, I was excited about going back to work—teaching, interacting with adults, not having to spend 15 hours of my day soothing a wailing infant by bouncing on an exercise ball—you know, the usual.

Going back to work wasn’t always easy, and there were *definitely* days (and weeks) where I missed her terribly, wondered if I was going the right thing by working, and just felt like an all-around bad mom.  But, ultimately, I went back to work last year knowing that I was making the right choice, both for me and for Lila.


Well, now I’m not quite as confident.  You know that magical summer I was hoping for last year?  Yeah, we just had that.  For reals.

This summer has just been amazing.  Period.  Now that Lila is older and more interactive, she’s just so…fun.  And GOD, I used to hate the parents who would talk about how much fun their kids were. 


But now—I get it.  Because we have fun every single day.  We’ve spent the summer hiking, swimming, going on playdates, visiting parks, picking blueberries, making friends, and just generally having an awesome time. 

I’m supposed to give that up to teach freshmen about comma placement?

How I Met Your Mother: Barney commits suicide

The truth is, I know once I’m back into “teaching mode,” I’ll be glad I’m working.  And, as always, it helps to remember that working is my choice—I choose to do it because I like it, so really, there’s nothing to complain about.  And as I’ve said many, many times, as far as jobs go, mine really kicks ass.  I have flexible hours, long breaks, great people to work with, and, for as much as I tend to complain about my students, overall they usually tend to be pretty great.

But it doesn’t mean that next Wednesday, when I have to leave this sweet face:


….to go teach, my heart isn’t going to break a little.  Being a working mother is complicated.  Being a mother is complicated.  But I guess anything worth doing usually is.

Deep thoughts for Wednesday morning.  Smile 

Hope you have a great day!

5 Comments leave one →
  1. August 14, 2013 5:13 pm

    Yes…just yes

  2. Patti permalink
    August 14, 2013 8:46 pm

    Motherhood and work are always a balancing act. You are doing a great job with both. I love this picture of Lila💕

  3. August 14, 2013 10:52 pm

    Ah your honesty here was so refreshing. I’m not going back to work this year (but there are days when it sounds really appealing). Taking care of a newborn is hard! So it is good to see that this summer was magical and wonderful for you two! And I know that going back will be bittersweet. I’m sure you are amazing though, and all of those kids are lucky to have you!

  4. August 15, 2013 2:00 am

    I feel for you. She will be hard to leave, but I bet it will end up working out just fine. You have a wonderful husband, a nanny that you like, and a flexible schedule, so I’m betting it goes very well. You’ll be in my thoughts!

  5. August 15, 2013 4:49 pm

    I am SO with you. My daughter is 6 months old and I’m finally back to full-time working. It’s a daily struggle…I’m happy to work, I like working…but it is so.freakin’.hard. to leave her everyday and have limited time with her at night. I just have to talk myself into it every single day. And thanks for your honesty…I agree that being home 24/7 with baby is not my idea of fun…it is so challenging to be home all of the time…but it’s a struggle to balance, no matter how you slice it!

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