Today is your due date, and as of 11:44 am, I still look like this:
What. The. Deuce.
Little lady, you officially have a week to get your butt out here.
Don’t make me come get you.
ps—I promise I’ll be very sweet to you once you get here. I’m just in a bit of a bad mood, you see, due to this bowling ball I’ve had strapped to myself for the past 9 months. You understand, right?