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Does This Closet Make Me Look Fat?

August 16, 2010

Sometimes, you just need to take a weekend off.  This weekend, I didn’t feel like blogging.  There wasn’t any particular reason…I just wanted a break to unplug and unwind.  School is starting in a little over a week, and we’ll be traveling next week for a wedding, so I knew that this might be my last chance to relax for a while.  So…what did I do?

A whole lotta this:

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…and this:

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I worked on the syllabi for my fall classes—done!  I completed a long(ish) run for my half marathon training– seven miles! 

We met friends for pizza and beer:

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SO not raw.  SO not a problem. 🙂

…and spent some time with my baby boo Jeff Bridges:

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Is it weird that I found him much more attractive as an old, drunken, washed up country-and-western singer than a young, suave, rebellious jazz musician?

Moving on.

Oh, and I also played with…

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my BADASS new doll house!!! 

Is it oxymoronic to use the phrase, “badass doll house”?  I don’t think so.  Is it moronic for a (childless…and not pregnant, I swear) twenty-seven year old to buy herself a doll house?  Absolutely not.

I was able to convince Ryan that we needed to scoop up the doll house form the consignment shop while we had the chance.  “Our future daughters will thank us for our foresight!” I pleaded.  He finally conceded, I think mostly because he didn’t want to argue with his wife about a doll house in front of the consignment shop man. 

Of course, now that we have it in the house, I can see very plainly that my children will NEVER, ever be allowed to play with my doll house.  Just call me Monica Gellar:

The house came with a ton of tiny furniture—even tiny china, a tiny grill, and a piano that really plays music!!! I’m in love.

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Jean-Nate the size of my thumbnail!

I’ll keep y’all updated on the progress of the house.  🙂

So, yes, even though I “took the weekend off,” it was a full one! But the most important thing I did this weekend?

I kicked it Eminem-style, and cleaned out my closet.

But—this wasn’t just a normal closet cleaning.  You see, for many years now, I’ve held on to jeans that don’t fit anymore.  And when I say “many years,” I really mean it—I still have jeans from high school, and I’m now approaching thirty.  You do the math. 

I have jeans that are FAR too small for me, jeans that I will never wear again, jeans that, even if I were to somehow magically fit into again, would not even look good on me.  And yet—I hang on to them, hoping that some day, they might slide right over my hips and button with complete ease. 

And then what?  And then I’d have the perfect life?  And then I’d be happier?  Prettier?  I’d have more friends?

The truth is, I already have a pretty great life.  I have a job I like, two amazing dogs, and a husband who loves me, even when I decide to wear sweatpants for two weeks straight.  I have great friends near and far, and a wonderful family.  I have a beautiful seven-month old niece, and frankly, it would kill me if, twenty-seven years from now, she was determining her self-worth based on whether or not she could wriggle into a pair of jeans that used to fit. 

I am so much more than a pair of too-small pants.

For years, I’ve held onto jeans (and skirts, dresses, shirts…even shoes!) that no longer fit, or clothing that never fit—clothes that I bought as incentive to drop five or ten pounds.  Every so often, I’d take down one of the offenders from the back of my closet and try them on.  When I’d discover that the jeans (still) didn’t fit, I’d spend the whole day in a funk.

No pair of jeans should have that much power over me.

And so, this weekend, I finally did it:

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I threw them out.  Ten pairs of jeans that no longer have the power to make me feel bad about myself—gone to Goodwill. 

GOOD riddance!

This post has turned into a mini-essay…I guess I missed blogging after all!

Hope you had a great weekend!

25 Comments leave one →
  1. August 16, 2010 1:48 am

    Sounds like a productive weekend — love that dollhouse! I was totally obsessed with decorating mine and making it the ‘perfect’ house back in the day. Now I’d probably be even worse with it! 😉

  2. August 16, 2010 2:41 am

    I found it liberating to toss all of my old clothes that I’ll never fit into again. Good for you!!

  3. August 16, 2010 2:44 am

    amen girl…i am right there with you on the jeans thing! i threw all of my old, too-small ones out earlier this summer, but was always so tempted to buy new ones that were too small as “motivation” to workout and eat well and fit into them. it’s a slow process, but i’m learning to love my body here and now…and that means clothes too!

    so proud of you 🙂

  4. August 16, 2010 3:27 am

    I need to do that too. I have a lot of clothes that are like 5 years old that just don’t fit anymore.

  5. August 16, 2010 3:58 am

    Looks like such a great weekend 🙂 Good for you for doing the big closet purge! It’s hard to let go, but totally worth it (plus, then you have room for cute NEW clothes!).

  6. August 16, 2010 5:53 am

    so much good stuff in this post – the jeans, the dog snuggling, the pizza…but that DOLL HOUSE!!! i always wanted a kick ass one like that!!!

  7. August 16, 2010 10:37 am

    PERFECTLY said!! Love it!

  8. August 16, 2010 11:16 am

    My dad builds doll houses so I totally get the love here! They can be pretty freakin bad ass! Isn’t it funny that even though he builds them and my mom has three that I don’t have my own. Have a great Monday girl!

  9. August 16, 2010 11:21 am

    Glad you enjoyed some R&R this weekend! And also how great to get rid of jeans that were hanging over your head. No reason to keep those in the closet. I have quite a few pairs that I wore before I had to gain weight to conceive and I hope to get back into after this baby. But if my body reaches a happy point before them and I have to fight to lose that weight, I’ll be giving up those jeans of mine too.

    LOVE the dollhouse! I had one like that growing up and it was my favorite thing.

  10. August 16, 2010 11:30 am

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! you are so much more than a size and i love reading about it 😀
    btw that dollhouse is uber cute. that was a GREAT buy! i remember playing with mine till i was at least twelve.

  11. August 16, 2010 11:34 am

    LOVE THIS POST!! I still have a few pairs of jeans from my ED days in my closet…why? I feel horrible giving away $150 jeans (I have an expensive addiction), but they’re taking up space and only make me anxious when I look at them. You’ve motivated me to clean them out 🙂 Yay for unplugging by the way- sometimes it’s totally necessary!

    • August 16, 2010 12:18 pm

      I know, some of the jeans I gave away were really expensive ones too. Ugh. Kind of makes me wonder why I spent that much money on jeans to begin with 🙂

      Oh well. It will be some Goodwill shopper’s lucky day, I guess.

  12. August 16, 2010 11:54 am

    I need to follow your lead and get rid of my skinny jeans. They haunt me!
    That, and I need to sign up for Netflix. 😉

  13. August 16, 2010 12:46 pm

    Sounds like you had a nice weekend. Sometimes you don’t have to be a whirling dervish of travels, friends, dining to have fun.

  14. August 16, 2010 12:49 pm

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! You can write a mini essay for us any time you want. What wonderful inspiration! 🙂

  15. greensandjeans permalink
    August 16, 2010 1:32 pm

    Before I moved to Phoenix I did the same thing. Do I really want to kill myself to be as tiny as I was in high school just to wear those Diesel jeans that I saved up for again? No thanks, I’ll pass.

  16. 14yearoldvegan permalink
    August 16, 2010 3:38 pm

    I have the same. exact. problem. I have alll these old clothes that are too big for me now and they’re stuffed away in my attic and from just a few months ago my weight loss gave me more clothes to pack away. 12 garbage bags full of clothes. amazing.

  17. Kim permalink
    August 16, 2010 6:10 pm

    Love your blog. Love it. And now that you posted dollhouse pictures, I love it more. Photos of the tiny grill, please! Sounds so cute!

  18. August 16, 2010 6:11 pm

    after I watch HORDERs TV SHOW…..I want to not keep ONE thing xtra!

  19. August 16, 2010 6:20 pm

    I cant see your pics for some reason but your words tell the whole story and I do the SAME thing. I think we all do. My goal shirt, jeans, etc. One day I’ll fit back into this or that. Screw you clothes that don’t fit and make me feel bad. I shall toss mine too!

  20. August 16, 2010 6:41 pm

    Good for you! I think you look great so who cares if a pair of jeans don’t fit. And… I LOVE your dollhouse!

  21. August 16, 2010 9:28 pm

    Yay for cleaning out the closet! There really is no sense in keeping clothes that don’t fit and/or aren’t flattering. I always have a mini-pile I’m working on for the Goodwill, some mornings I’ll put on a top or pants and realize it just doesn’t look good. Into the pile it goes. Doing more subtracting than adding in the closet feels great too, more manageable.

    Awesome doll house, your future daughter will be spoiled!

  22. thehungryscholar permalink
    August 16, 2010 9:50 pm

    I liked the “essay.” I would give it an A and make you read it to the class.

    You rock, because you have a doll house. I asked for one every Christmas. Never got it.

  23. Natasha permalink
    August 17, 2010 8:38 pm

    Good for you!
    Recently as part of my recovery from my ED I gave the official kiss off to an absolute TON of too small clothes. The girl that fit into those clothes was not happy, and just about killed herself to fit into them.
    You are so right. I no longer will let the size of my jeans dictate how I feel about myself!

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