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A Mother’s Day Confession: I Feel Like a Bad Mom

May 10, 2012

Now that my first Mother’s Day ever is around the corner, it feels like an appropriate time to write a post that I’ve been thinking about for a while now—the Mommy Guilt post. 

Mommy Guilt: I’ve got it.  Bad.

In fact, I had it even before Lila gasped her first breath.  My Mommy Guilt started during pregnancy—a common occurrence, I’m sure.  I felt guilty from the very beginning—guilty that I wasn’t giving up coffee, guilty that I resented the pregnancy for taking away my wine, guilty that the artificial sweeteners I hadn’t completely cut from my diet meant that Lila was going to come out with a tail and three ears.  And most of all, I felt guilty that I wasn’t excited enough about the (unplanned) pregnancy.  I felt guilty for my anxiety, and for the fact that when I saw the two blue lines on my pregnancy test, my reaction wasn’t one of pure joy—in fact, I distinctly remember thinking, “Shit.” 

My negative thoughts about the pregnancy ultimately did transform into excitement and happiness and gratitude, but it certainly took me a while to get there.

And now that I’m plunging into actual motherhood, the Mommy Guilt is back in full force.  Turns out that what I thought was Mommy Guilt during pregnancy was only the tip of the iceberg. 

When you’re a mother, there are things to feel guilty about during every second of every minute of every hour of every day. 

My baby drinks formula, and I feel guilty about it.  Instead of staring blissfully into Lila’s eyes during our feedings, I sometimes play Angry Birds on my phone, and I feel guilty about it.  I feel guilty that I feel relieved when Lila goes down for a nap.  I feel guilty that instead of reading baby and parenting books, I’m eagerly awaiting Lauren Conrad’s next tome (actually, I think my guilt about that one stems from being an English teacher, but regardless…).  I choose to go to an exercise class instead of snuggling with Lila for an extra hour in the morning, and I feel guilty about it.  I resent my new “mommy belly,” and I feel guilty about it.

And most of all, I worry that I don’t feel guilty enough about any of these things…and then I feel guilty about that.

I spend a lot of time reading blogs of new mothers, and I’ve noticed a startling (for me, anyway) trend—there seems to be a tendency for new moms to say things like…

I can’t imagine being away from my baby—the minute she goes down for a nap, I miss her.

Even on his worst days, I wish time would just slow down!

…and, perhaps most pervasively…

I can’t even remember life before our baby.

I read statements like this, and I just think…really?  Like, REALLY?! 

When Lila goes down for a nap, my first thought is almost always, “Thank fucking god.”  I’m already looking forward to our first childless vacation.  On Lila’s worst days, it’s a struggle for me not to call the hospital and ask about their return policy.  And, finally, I definitely still remember life before Lila…and it was awesome. 

We traveled every summer.  We met up with friends for spontaneous beers on random Tuesday nights.  We slept as late as we wanted, and stayed up late drinking wine and cooking elaborate dinners and just enjoying each other.

How could I forget all this?  And, more importantly, why would I want to?  The notion that, after childbirth, a mother forgets everything that came before is one that disturbs me.  I love Lila, but I also love my husband, and I love myself, and I loved those days before we had a child.  I’m incredibly grateful that we took the time to be with each other just as a couple before having Lila, and, if I’m totally honest, there are definitely days when I miss our pre-child identities. 

One thing I’m learning about motherhood is that many, many women like to treat it as a competition.  Who can breastfeed the longest?  Who can raise the smartest kid?  Whose kid is smiling/rolling over/crawling/walking/talking first?  Who is the happiest mother?

Who cares?

Sometimes it seems like admitting that motherhood is difficult, or challenging, or uninspiring, is like admitting some sort of defeat—a defeat that makes you “lesser than” as a mom. 

Why are we so reluctant to admit that raising a child is hard?

When you give birth, people send you all sorts of cards and messages and e-mails congratulating you on your big accomplishment, and assuring you that motherhood is simply the best.  I was happy to receive the positivity in those messages, but I was much, much more grateful when one of Ryan’s cousins sent me this message, regarding the transition to parenthood:

It’s fucking impossible.  Who ever thought bringing home a baby would be so ridiculous?

I read those words, and I thought, Thank you.  It felt like such a relief to know that I wasn’t the only one who found all of the late night feedings and diaper changes and hours of crying difficult—in fact, fucking impossible.  Just knowing that I wasn’t alone in my feelings made me feel a little less guilty about them.

When Mother’s Day rolls around this Sunday, I want to celebrate all of what it means to be a mother—the good, the bad, and the ugly.  The failures and the successes.  The pride and, yes, the guilt.  If you’re a mother, I hope you will too.

57 Comments leave one →
  1. Sarah L. permalink
    May 10, 2012 3:46 pm

    Anna, I love, love, love this post. Your honesty is refreshing, as is this whole blog. And the guilt and other sundry unpleasant feelings are all so normal — you’re right in asking why we feel the need to cover that up. When I read blogs/facebook posts from people gushing about how they wouldn’t trade being splattered with baby bodily fluids for anything, I immediately think: liar.

  2. May 10, 2012 3:46 pm

    Amen! We all feel this way. Its natural …you always feel like its not enough! Sometimes we need to celebrate all the WONDERFUL things we do…rather than focus on our downfalls- am I right?! Happy first Mama’s day! Oh and “guilty that the artificial sweeteners I hadn’t completely cut from my diet meant that Lila was going to come out with a tail and three ears.” ummm yup- me too!

  3. May 10, 2012 3:59 pm

    Girl, we all feel this way from time to time. You are a fabulous mom, just remember that. And remember that we all have these feelings; I appreciate the honesty, as always!

  4. Morgan permalink
    May 10, 2012 4:01 pm

    I’ve totally been there. Thanks for your honesty. My baby is 5 months old and is still up 5+ times a night. There are times I wonder if I’ll ever feel good again.

  5. Marcee permalink
    May 10, 2012 4:14 pm

    No need whatsoever to have mg. It does not accomplish anything positive. Relax.

    Think of it all this way ….. you are taking care of Lila’s needs …. everyday. You will keep doing this because she is your child. That sums it up in a nutshell.

    Constantly being anxious or overly concerned re all the (your post) above …. is silly. You are hurting your own feelings and minimizing the capability of infant parenting. Lighten up. You are doing a fine job Anna.

    I agree the first year is difficult …. because it can be very lonely with the huge responsiblity of a baby. So, very true. To feel trapped is normal, and okay, because a loss of independence can often hit you in the head very often. Like when their wasn’t a baby to worry about, you could do whatever. Not so much now. This is the way it is for all mommies. In time, these deep feelings of hardship and lonliness, will subside. You have to live a differrent life now. Realize though, that so much changes in the course of a year with a growing child. You will see Anna. “Things” will keep getting better and better!

    Lila is an infant now. She is going to always : ) love you Anna. Honest. You will be Lila’s idol. That’s how baby’s + kids are. They adore their mommy …. daddy too …. no matter what.

    Celebrate the joy everyday. Try not to impact the negs on your little one. They can sense uneasiness. But, truthfully, babies do not need all that you think they do. Also, creating (raising) them takes a lifetime ….. a verrry slow process.

    Take it easy. Breathe. You have your entire lives to live together.

    ENJOY!

    • Morgan permalink
      May 10, 2012 5:54 pm

      I don’t think it’s appropriate to tell a new mom who is clearly having difficulty adjusting to life with a baby to “lighten up” or “relax”. She just needed to vent. That’s what her blog is for and that’s what she’s entitled to do here.

      I hardly ever comment on this blog, but read it often. And I certainly don’t get into pissing matches with other commenters, but this one really rubbed me the wrong way. Sorry.

  6. May 10, 2012 4:55 pm

    Thank you. I needed this today

  7. christine permalink
    May 10, 2012 5:07 pm

    This post is so great. I have been reading your blog for quite some time now (before you were preg) and feel compelled to reply today. Me and my husband have been married going on 2 years now and we are starting to toss around the idea of babies… I know we want children but I don’t want the WORK quite yet. I mean I can hardly keep my husband fed, let along another growing infant!!! If I’m being totally honest, I also am not ready to give up my body just yet. We want to enjoy eachother and I know that my “mommy guilt” will start immediately like yours did. Thank you for being so honest because I know having a baby will be the most difficult thing I will have to do and it’s nice to hear it! Best of luck and keep your head up! (thank you for letting me vent my fears!)

    • May 10, 2012 10:57 pm

      I TOTALLY understand not wanting the work yet!! Enjoy the time with just the two of you!!

  8. May 10, 2012 5:20 pm

    Don’t be too hard on yourself – I’m so proud of you for being real and admitting the truth!!! I’m sure that there are so many more people than you realize that feel the exact same way as you but are too afraid to say it out loud.

    I don’t have kids, but I relate your feelings to the way I felt in our first year of marriage. Everyone makes it seem like you’re starting this great big fairytale life full of rainbows and kittens, but no one tells you that it takes a lot of work, adjustment, compromise and sometimes it is damn hard!!! There were days when I asked myself what the hell I was thinking, but in the end after we got through those early days and passed by the bumps in the road, the love and commitment we have for each other and our life now was so worth it.

  9. May 10, 2012 6:07 pm

    Anna – thank you for being you, for being honest and for putting it all down so eloquently. I have so much I want to say but am afraid it’d all come out wrong – especially since I’m not a mom. I just wish perhaps more moms were maybe a bit more honest. It’s not all rainbows and puppy dogs. And that’s ok.

  10. Laura permalink
    May 10, 2012 6:33 pm

    Anna, I always used to enjoy when you’d tell stories about your own family and upbringing because it was clear that A) you come from an incredibly loving family that anyone would envy, and B) that love lived alongside (was strengthened by?) big doses of humor and irreverence and honesty (and a lot of singalongs, it seems). I’ve appreciated seeing how you and Ryan bring these traits to your own parenting. And loving one’s baby shouldn’t have to mean *not* loving other aspects of one’s past or present life. So, hang in there with these tough early months. Be kind to yourself.

  11. Ali permalink
    May 10, 2012 6:41 pm

    Amen. Thank you Anna!

  12. May 10, 2012 7:13 pm

    Holy shit, you’re a mom! I wish we lived closer. Seriously, then we could screw our kids up together. I feel nothing but guilt. I love my kids with all my heart. They are my best friends (along with) Tony. I’m pretty sure this is my first mistake. Raising my boys is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, not so much physically, but mentally. I question everyday if I’m cut out to be a mom. What’s even harder, Jay and Max are completely different, so now I struggle with them feeling like they are treated differently. UGH!!! I just hope I’m raising two respectful human beings…

    You are doing a great job Anna! Oh and we call school the free babysitter. Unfortunately, that will be done in two weeks!!! Save me now! No more joiners until August!!!

    Hugs to you my friend. If you ever need to vent, or confess your guilty sins, I’m always here!

    • May 10, 2012 10:55 pm

      I TOTALLY wish we lived closer. I need you as a mom friend!!! :-)

  13. rpweber permalink
    May 10, 2012 7:43 pm

    I remember life before Lila too. Let’s never forget that :).

  14. May 10, 2012 8:03 pm

    Your honesty is, as always, so refreshing. I’m not a mom but it does seem a bit unrealistic not to yearn for the past when you suddenly have a little one in your life. It sounds like you’re doing a great job and that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling!

  15. May 10, 2012 8:16 pm

    This might be the first post about motherhood that as a non-mom, I feel like I can actually appreciate and relate to. Without trying to sound like a complete and utter bitch…motherhood looks f’ing hard. It doesn’t look fun, I know how I feel when my DOG wakes me up at 3am once in a blue moon, I can’t imagine how I’d stay sane doing that multiple times a night and not wanting to scream/throw the child across the room. It’s thoughts like those that I always assumed made me unfit for motherhood. Not saying I’ve changed my mind, but this post made me realize there are mom’s out there that actually think along those lines. Thank F’ing god b/c honestly, the whole positivity thing 100% of the time seriously gets under my skin!
    Awesome post, Anna.

    • May 10, 2012 10:55 pm

      Honestly, before I got pregnant, I wondered if I was right for motherhood– and I still wonder that sometimes. We would go to the mall and walk by the indoor children’s area, and I would literally want to set myself on fire. I know everyone says this, but it IS different with your own child. Things that I would have found totally repulsive or just inane and boring (let’s play with this firefly for an hour!!!!) with someone else’s child somehow are thrilling to me with Lila. Even so, only a month in, I can already say that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I don’t think it does anyone any favors to act like it’s easy!!

    • May 14, 2012 4:41 pm

      You read my mind with this, Gina. As another non-mom, I often feel this way too. I know I want to have a family some day, but it’s sometimes really hard for me to stay patient with everyday little annoyances, much less a child, and I too feel unfit. None of us are perfect, though. Thanks for your honesty in this post, Anna.

  16. Stacey permalink
    May 10, 2012 8:20 pm

    Oh Anna, I love you! Happy Mother’s Day to you! Hugs from Boston!

  17. May 10, 2012 8:28 pm

    i love that you said this. i am totally that mom that misses her baby after sleeping for a full night, but more often than not naptimes could not come fast enough. i miss my body, i miss my freedom, i miss having nate all to myself and i miss the spontaneity that comes with not having kiddos. but i don’t think that’s anything that you should feel guilty about. in fact i’d say that if you didn’t miss it then you wouldn’t be able to be a good mom to lila – she’ll need to know that life is awesome with and without kids!

    i don’t know if that makes any sense, but i love the honesty :)

    • May 10, 2012 10:52 pm

      I know you know exactly what I’m going through. I feel the exact same way about missing having Ryan all to myself– isn’t that funny? I LOVE seeing him as a dad, but sometimes I think, “Oh man…now I have to share him with another girl!!” :-)

  18. May 10, 2012 8:57 pm

    I feel like if I ever get the opportunity to be a mom I will feel just like you. I want to be a mom so badly but I doubt I will always be sunshine and rainbows. You are my hero!

  19. Patti permalink
    May 10, 2012 10:00 pm

    We saw you in action and you were doing a fabulous job. It is the hardest and most demanding job there is – being a parent and no one can meet the hyped up expectations that we seem to hear. It is not a competition and what is important is that you and Ryan love Lila and she will know. Also realize you won’t be perfect (whatever that is) and it is normal to resent the time and energy a baby takes. This is the time you are making all the “investment” and the “return” is in the future. Hang in there and Happy Mother’s day

    • May 10, 2012 10:50 pm

      Thanks, Patti– as I told one of my friends, she’s still alive, so we can’t be doing it ALL wrong!! :-)

  20. May 11, 2012 1:16 am

    Posts like this are why I love your blog. I am nowhere near having children (fingers crossed that is!!) and while I want children the thought of it scares the shit out of me. I keep reading all these blogs about happy mothers and I keep thinking it can’t be all wonderful all the time. I appreciate your honesty :)

    I feel like once I have kids, I’ll share your sentiments.

  21. May 11, 2012 2:00 am

    We talk about trying to have a baby soon and I know that even though I think I want one, once it happens, I will feel this way too.

    One of my best friends got pregnant accidentally four years ago. I think she harbored a lot of resentment for a while that this happened to her and that her life changed so drastically. She told me though, that after a while, her life with baby just became her life. It wasn’t a case of before vs. after anymore, it just was and she got used to it and eventually, embraced it. (She’s due with her second, this time on purpose, in like a week).

  22. May 11, 2012 2:43 am

    As you know, I can relate to this! And while I’m not happy that you are unhappy it’s nice to know that others feel the way I do/did. The best thing is that eventually they grow up! And they can take care of themselves and become independent and things get a lot more fun because you can leave them with your parents and in-laws. So just know that it might seem like forever until this happens but time really DOES fly.

    Love the honesty. Love it.

  23. May 11, 2012 1:07 pm

    Beautiful honesty Anna. Remember that ALL things in life need balance – even motherhood.

  24. Delishhh permalink
    May 11, 2012 8:13 pm

    Awesome post! You are not alone, everyone feels like this at some point. I can remember my awesome life before my little 10 week old, but i can’t imagine life without her either. This is just the next chapter in life and there will be many more chapters in life . . .

  25. Jeni permalink
    May 11, 2012 8:39 pm

    My first thought when I read this post? What a lucky girl Lila is! She has such an awesome mom, one who values life enough to teach her about it all, not just “mother her”. One who loves life so much, she knows there’s more to it than finding her only joy in motherhood. One who will share who she really is as a person with her daughter, not just who she is as a mother. While motherhood sounds wonderful, honestly, I hate to hear when women say they can’t even remember what life was like before their baby. Like nothing you did before even mattered. And I just think having a mom who still has her previous spirit, interests, and individual voice means that Lila is going to turn into one awesome little person! Happy Mother’s Day!

  26. Edie Hahens permalink
    May 12, 2012 2:21 am

    First, let me say that you are in the thick of Baby Boot Camp and nothing sucks more! 5 weeks after Alex was born I sat breast feeding her and cried to Stacy “what the F have I done?!!!” also inquired about the return policy :). 13 years and 3 kids down I can only think of one thing tougher in my life. And you know what it is. You are right about people not being honest about parenthood, how hard it is, etc. the reason why is it gets better!! The first 2 to 3 Mos are super hard, mind numbingy repetitive and you think ” is this all there is?”. I’m happy to say there is much, much more. Is it all good? Nope! But you and Ryan are going to be sensitive, loving, intellectually stimulating parents who will produce more of the same for the world. As for competitive parents, that doesn’t change but you will find your way to parents like you who have outside interests beyond their kids and have interesting things to say that are not kid related. As for the great dinners with wine…….that still happens but with pack and plays in every bedroom :). And later, you go on vacation and have 22 in a ski house together so the kids can have their friends and you have yours. The reason I work is because I want to and I enjoy doing something outside of caring for my kids. When I stayed home for two years I thought if I unloaded the dishwasher or folded one more set of clothes I was going to scream!!!! You will find the balance that is right for you as you go. However everything you are feeling is SO normal and healthy for anyone who had a life before kids. Just know that there is so much good coming…..Lila will laugh as she chases Baxter around the house and he will let her catch him because he’s a gentleman. She will write stories and songs, poetry with art. She will be kind like her mon and dad. Trust me that very soon she will start to give back what she takes with squeals and smiles that will make you laugh until it hurts. You’re just not there yet……

    Love you
    Edie

    • Edie Hahens permalink
      May 12, 2012 2:41 am

      But one last thing…….in the week you are in with Alex she screamed for 3 hours straight every night as I roamed the block with a glass of wine in a red solo cup. One night when Mark was leaving for a Tennis game I hurledy my “nursing basket” full of nipple cream, breast pads magazines and the remote control at the front door as he left. Luckily he came back :). But it’s now something we laugh about. :). Just not a party at all…..,,what you are doing.

  27. May 12, 2012 4:58 am

    Great post, I think women are just too good and feeling guilty as parents or not, I can always find little reasons daily to feel guilty like not walking the dogs on time, being a better wife, etc. But we can’t sacrifice all of ourselves, right? Sometimes we need something for ourselves. You’re doing an awesome job as a parent, so exciting on your first Mother’s Day – I hope it rocks! :-)

  28. May 12, 2012 11:28 am

    You know who should feel GUILTY? That women on the cover of Time magazine! Imagine how mortified her son will be as he gets older and his friends get ahold of that picture. Yikes.
    I can completely understand (although not really, quite yet) having a guilty conscience about just about everything in early motherhood, but trust me when I say I will be the SAME way when my baby goes to sleep (and I bet 90% or more of other mothers are too!). And, when it comes to breastfeeding, you did what you could do, and that’s all that matters. You aren’t starving your child, and your doing what’s best for both of you, and that’s what’s important.
    Enjoy your mother’s Day, you deserve it!!!!

  29. mammabean permalink
    May 12, 2012 1:27 pm

    LOVE it! Thanks for this post. Add to the list of things I feel guilty about… blogging. The guilt may be at the top of the list of the reasons that I haven’t sat down to do it since forever ago.

    On the topic of congratulatory remarks, I always tell people to congratulate me when the little popper turns out to be a well adjusted, contributing member of society.

    I think for Mother’s Day this year I will blow the dust off my blog and revel in the guilt.

  30. ginger635 permalink
    May 12, 2012 2:32 pm

    Anna, I have also seen you in action and know you’re doing a great job! I’d be worried about you if you didn’t miss your pre-Lila life. It was awesome! And I can also tell you that the guilt about being a good parent will not end. I still think of lots of things I should have done better. If I forget any, I can count on you and Katherine to remind me! I remember having a discussion with you one of those times when I tearfully told you that I had done the best I could and that I knew I had screwed up lots of things. And, that was just a few years ago! Lila is only 1 month old, so give some time to get used to this new life of yours. And realize that this is probably one of the very hardest times – it will get easier! I love you so much and wish I could make this easier for you, but you’ll look back on this time and be proud! (and, I’m still sorry that I gave most of y’all’s Halloween candy away!). Happy Mother’s Day.

  31. Elizabeth permalink
    May 12, 2012 7:20 pm

    HAHAHAHA! I swear to God I could have written this post. Sometimes when I think about how much poop I’ve cleaned up over the course of my 3 year old’s life I think to myself, “Who the hell are you and what have you done with Elizabeth?”.

  32. Danielle permalink
    May 13, 2012 8:25 am

    I understand what you mean about reading blogs and people giving off the perspective of everything being perfect… with some of their softly glowing photography and daily rhapsodies, it seems like some of them have no stress at all (mothers or non-mothers). This seeming lack of stress on the part of the blogging female multitudes can make real-life stress seem all the more discomforting, like “Wait a minute, nobody else is having stress? What’s up with that?” But, it seems like people usually post their most flattering pictures – for many it is a sort of editing of their lives to reflect the ideal version of things. And pictures are not video… maybe if there was more ‘blogger reality TV’ things would look more like reality. So, take heart – my best unsolicited advice would be to cut down on reading certain blogs that seem too ‘fakey’ – I think they can be too stress-inducing. They are not real-life, and their authors should write with more responsibility instead of trying to create a picture-perfect gallery which omits colors from the spectrum of human emotion.

    This is coming from someone who routinely gets frustrated with the internet :)

  33. Robin permalink
    May 14, 2012 1:52 pm

    I am not even a mom, but reading this post made me love you and appreciate your honesty! Keep it up :)

  34. May 16, 2012 4:10 pm

    Anna I love this post. Can I repost this on my blog in 6 months from now? I had the same thought when I saw those 2 lines in January. Then the guilt came from feeling that way. Thank you for your honesty! And while I know I’ll love our little one, I don’t ever want to forget the 9 years my husband and I had together between our dating & married life!

  35. Crystal Rediske permalink
    May 21, 2012 11:21 pm

    Excellent post! I’m not a mom but felt like I could totally relate to you on this! By the way I know your blog because Patti (your mom-in-law) showed it to me awhile back. I have to say it is so entertaining and I love your writing style! Patti was my mentor during student teaching. Thanks for sharing your posts and thoughts, they’re so entertaining!
    -Crystal

  36. May 28, 2012 2:22 am

    I meant to respond to this when I first read it. But, alas, a mobile baby boy and a big move got in the way. I just want you to know that you are not alone. Motherhood brings both good days and bad days. I remember I felt so frustrated in the beginning that my own mom didn’t sympathize with my struggles. I wondered if I was a bad mom because sometimes I just didn’t want to get out of bed to comfort Sam in the middle of the night. Sometimes I just wanted a solid stretch of sleep. A quiet dinner and a glass of wine. A bubble bath. The opportunity to read a magazine. But you know what? These desires don’t make you a bad mom. I think they make you a better mom. You must take care of yourself! And not lose yourself. Lila will appreciate it some day. Hope you had a great first Mother’s Day, friend :)

  37. Sara permalink
    September 30, 2012 3:21 am

    Wow, I am behind the times, but as my eight week old is on hour three of screaming, this blog revived my sanity. A little. I’m not alone.

    • September 30, 2012 11:09 pm

      Those first few months are so, so, so the worst. I hope things get better– and no, you’re definitely not alone!!

  38. January 30, 2013 9:46 am

    I hated newborn life. And the baby phase. No reward! They are so dependent, unappreciative, boring! Plus he was the hardest, most colicky, demanding baby, everyone admitted it. He’s two and a half now and all of a sudden I am experiencing that “addiction” to my baby boy. I looooove two years old! He dances and runs to hug me and can talk a bit now in the cutest voice you ever heard and I genuinely believe that he is the cutest boy in the ENTIRE world, I really do go in to watch him sleep because I miss him! It took me a long time to get here, but finally, worth it. Guess I’m a glutton for punishment: my baby girl is due in a few months…and I just am going to repeat to myself “light at the end of the tunnel, just make it to two years old…” the whole time. I hope you get this same pleasure. I totally was with you, I was the first one screaming to my friends, “I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE DO THIS! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLY HARD! I HAVE AN ALL NEW RESPECT FOR ANYONE WHO HAS SURVIVED THIS, EVEN REPUBLICAN MOMMIES OR OTHER NINCOMPOOPS WHO I THOUGHT DESERVED NO RESPECT BEFORE!” Seriously, how the human race has survived is totally beyond me, and why do we pretend??! Wait til your girl’s two, or whenever your revelation happens. It will. I have yet to see an exception — though I was one of the ones that reaped the latest reward — it even happened to me. You’re doing great because you are just, DOING IT. Everyday, again. That’s all you can do (until!) and I think you are an excellent mama.

  39. Amanda permalink
    July 3, 2013 5:16 pm

    THANK YOU! For making me feel normal x

  40. vanessa permalink
    July 20, 2013 12:19 am

    Im feeling very overwhelmed today, I decided to go on the internet and typed on google search “Feeling like a bad mother” and then i came upon your page. All I have to say is THANK YOU.

  41. Andrea permalink
    August 19, 2013 10:12 am

    Finally!!! Another woman not afraid to say it like it is!!! And yeah what is it about all the competitions??? That’s right… We r women and that’s what we do!…. LOVED your post!!

  42. Laurel permalink
    May 10, 2014 8:00 pm

    Amen. I’m a mother of an almost 10 year old b/c I still feel like this. I love the kid to death but sometimes i think she’ll be the death of ME haha. Parenting is hard and stressful.. and honestly I wonder sometimes if im too selfish to be a mother. No one ever admits the hard stuff.

    • May 13, 2014 10:00 pm

      Thanks Laurel. It’s strangely comforting to know that it doesn’t get easier, haha. And the selfish thing– honestly, I wonder that probably every day– but I think the fact that we DO wonder it means that we aren’t (too selfish to be mothers, that is). :-)

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