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Sushi and Wine and Running, Oh My!

April 27, 2012

Hello and happy Friday!!

We did pretty well last night—Lila went to bed around 10:30 (as did we) and woke up at 2:00 to eat (with Ryan) and 5:00 to eat (with me) and then slept again until 7:45.  Not too shabby!  I tell ya, one of the biggest perks of formula is being able to share the feeding duties—we’re both a little sleepy, especially in the evenings, but I don’t feel nearly as sleep-deprived as I know some new parents can be (especially breastfeeding mothers). 

In fact, after a long afternoon nap yesterday, I was feeling energized enough to…

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…go running!!  Well, okay… “running.”  I didn’t wear my Garmin, but I’d bet that I was clocking about a 12 minute mile.  Still, I ran for about two miles, and it felt GREAT.  I’m not supposed to push it right now in terms of exercise, so I won’t be running much further (or faster) until my post-partum doctor’s appointment, but I have to say, in terms of stress relief and just feeling normal again, it felt SO good to be running again.

Breaking a sweat (a true sweat) is one of the things I missed most during pregnancy.  I exercised a lot, but was pretty careful to keep it low-impact—walking, yoga, and light weight lifting.  Who knew you could miss sweat so much?!?

Other things I’ve been enjoying?  Wine.  Beer.  Sushi:

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and runny, runny eggs:

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Mmmm…yes, please.

Even though I’m really REALLY enjoying all of the things I had to give up during pregnancy (Starbucks and I are best friends again), I have to say—I’ve also been really surprised by how much I miss being pregnant.

Early on in my pregnancy, I was complaining to my sister about how much I just plain didn’t like it—I couldn’t drink, I was tired all the time, I felt worn-out and just…not like myself. 

“Really?”  she asked, surprised.  “I loved being pregnant!”

Well la-ti-freakin’-da for you, I thought.

But then, somewhere along the way, I turned a corner, and suddenly…I, too, loved being pregnant.

Oh sure, not being able to drink pretty much sucked for the whole nine months.  And by the end, I was obviously uncomfortable, tired, and ready to be done with it:

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But I definitely hit a sweet-spot from about week 22 to week 38 where I just felt…awesome.  I loved having the freedom to eat whatever I wanted without guilt.  I loved showing off my big, round belly instead of trying to suck it in or hide it, and the smiles that it would elicit from random strangers.  I loved that belly—loved rubbing it, singing to it, prodding Ryan with it when I needed more room in bed.  I just loved having it.

And that, I think, it what I miss most about pregnancy—the companionship of the belly.  When I’m alone now—walking, or running errands, or just driving in the car—it hits me that I’m truly alone again.  When you’re pregnant, there’s an awareness (either consciously or sub-consciously) that you always have a little partner with you.  I miss waking up in the middle of the night to kicks and rolls.  Some nights, I’d wake Ryan up and we’d watch the belly in action together.  But many nights, I’d watch it on my own—all the ripples and waves—and feel totally connected to the little girl inside of me, even though she was still a stranger.

And then, finally, she moved out:

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And now, while I love being able to hold her in my arms more than anything, I also miss the days when I didn’t quite know who she was, what she was going to look like, what her cries would sound like (this is no longer a mystery)…I miss the wonder of it all.

And the quiet.  I miss the quiet.  :-)

19 Comments leave one →
  1. April 27, 2012 3:32 pm

    Nice job on getting out there for a run! That’s awesome. And this might be one of the most touching descriptions of being pregnant. Honestly. I really don’t see myself having children. Never really wanted pregnancy. I always hear that people loved it or they hated it, but nothing like this.

  2. April 27, 2012 3:38 pm

    I had a rough pregnancy; didn’t miss it, don’t miss it! But I can totally relate to feeling totally alone after giving birth. It’s a surreal feeling that you can’t descibe til you’ve been there. But I know exactly what you mean about the the companionship of the belly part.

    Enjoy that sushi, Starbucks, and wine :)

  3. April 27, 2012 3:44 pm

    You look amazing my friend. Amazing! And yes, I agree on the formula thing…it was so much easier for me…

    And also I miss the quiet. It’s been 7 years and it hasn’t been quiet for a minute. :)

    She’s beautiful!

  4. April 27, 2012 3:44 pm

    This was beautiful and so true! You completely described how I felt about pregnancy. Knowing Max was my last put a real finality on everything for me. That pregnancy was dreadful from beginning to end, but for some strange reason, I wish some times that I could have it back just for a day. All the way down to the last day I nursed him. I feel like I miss them more now than ever. Reading others’ experiences in pregnancy and little ones is a way to help me remember and think back to those times. Life is really short and the time goes so fast. It’s weird, while I love the stages my boys are at now, I miss them being little. I miss holding them and getting sweet cuddles. I feel like when they were little, they looked to me for comfort, now I hope they look to me for comfort. There was a horrible event that occurred last week in our community and it was so hard watching my children deal with it not knowing if they were completely sharing their feelings with me. Being a parent is so hard and I wonder everyday if I’m a good one. I guess I just do the best I can and hope that our bonds remain strong…

    This was beautiful Anna! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences. I know they are personal and I really appreciate your honesty. Many hugs to you!

  5. April 27, 2012 3:56 pm

    this is so sweet and so true! i remember when i was on a business trip by myself when i was about 28 weeks pregnant and just feeling kind of sad and lonely. then i realized that i wasn’t alone, that Wes was right there with me, and it helped so much!

    also, i have to say that i am so thankful and blessed that i can breastfeed our little guy, but there’s definitely a part of me that wishes i could drink beer and caffeine and not have huge heavy boobs so that working out were easier. enjoy some of that for me!

  6. Stacey permalink
    April 27, 2012 4:14 pm

    Anna, I am love, love, loving your posts on new parenthood. So honest and refreshing and real. I, too, am a new mom to almost-6-month-old Alexander (Alex Awesomesauce). I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and can’t describe the love I have for my sweet little prince. And (I choose the word “and” specifically because it’s not a “but”…you can have conflicting emotions that are not mutually exclusive!)…AND I miss some things about my old life. I remember my old life very very well (I feel guilty when I hear other new parents say that they can’t remember life before their little one came along…!) When I was three days post-partum, I had a wonderfully amazing visiting nurse come to the house who sat with my husband and me for two hours and provided some invaluable coaching on the hard work that is being a new mom. Through tears I told her, “I love him so much, but I also miss my old life.” Without skipping a beat, she said, “Of course you do. You need to mourn the loss of what was before you can accept the wonder of what is to be.” She also said, “This is a moment in time” (meaning the crying, the sleepless nights, the raw emotion…). She was also English, and her accent made her words sound even sweeter ;-) Anyway, you’re doing a great job, Mama, and be kind to yourself as you ease into your new normal. Hugs from Boston.

    • April 27, 2012 4:23 pm

      Thank you, Stacey! So funny– I’ve been thinking about a post JUST about that in my head for the past few days– I, too, have been reading/hearing a lot of other mothers say that they can’t even remember life before baby– and I think…REALLY?!? I remember my life before baby, and it was pretty freakin’ awesome :-) Life with baby is awesome too, but I think it’s okay to say that there are definitely things I miss about my old life!!

      • Stacey permalink
        April 27, 2012 5:17 pm

        Amen to that!

    • June 10, 2012 7:33 am

      i love the 100th day daily create, how did you do that tghouh. Do you know someone who just happened to be 100 pounds or did you tweak that pic? Very cool and very creative

  7. April 27, 2012 5:29 pm

    Again, this is beautiful…I’ve always wondered how torturous it would be on a breastfeeding woman to be the only one who could get up in the night to feed the baby…your deal sounds much better. And running? I won’t even run after never having a baby…congrats to you!

  8. April 27, 2012 5:45 pm

    yayyyy for exercie! It does feel SO good to get back to it (and starbucks ;).

  9. April 27, 2012 5:50 pm

    I think I will love being pregnant….we shall see. I can imagine it’s a very special feeling and time. She is so beautiful…my goodness :)

  10. April 27, 2012 9:50 pm

    You were probably the cutest 9 month pregnant person ever!

  11. April 28, 2012 10:21 am

    love all of your posts. especially this one, so beautifully written! while i haven’t found that sweet spot of pregnancy yet, i hope it’s coming soon!

  12. April 28, 2012 11:21 am

    I’ve heard of women who become obsessed with being pregnant. I think after seeing my mom go through pregnancy I can completely see how it can become almost addicting. She glowed and everyone around her saw it too. I can also see how the little things like no sushi, or beer, or runny yolk (or intense workouts!) could get old after a while….. But in the end you get all those things back, and more!
    Glad you got to sweat, and sleep last night!

  13. emartinodonnell permalink
    April 28, 2012 1:49 pm

    Your honesty is really refreshing. I feel conflicted about every life change – even if it is a positive one – because there always is a part of me that mourns the past. I can only imagine that a piece of you misses your pre-mama world… but I’m sure you’ll come to love this new one just as much. Especially now that it has wine and sushi in it!

    • April 28, 2012 1:49 pm

      Your honesty is really refreshing. I feel conflicted about every life change – even if it is a positive one – because there always is a part of me that mourns the past. I can only imagine that a piece of you misses your pre-mama world… but I’m sure you’ll come to love this new one just as much. Especially now that it has wine and sushi in it!

  14. April 28, 2012 3:22 pm

    I like this post. Most of my friends have had kids (well, not most, but some) and about half of them said they liked being pregnant and half hated it.

  15. April 29, 2012 2:34 pm

    Congrats on your run! And yay for wine & sushi! I love this post and hearing your honesty :)

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